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I am  happy to have what I don´t want

Free Press


With age my ideas are equally becoming blurry and rigid.
Sometimes upside-down. I have become the defense lawyer of those who I was used to attack. Completely upside-down. In the name of coherency and pragmatism, or at least my idea of coherency and pragmatism.

For years I have despised the culture and the ideas represented by Berlusconi. For years I have considered Putin the enemy of the world peace. And as an automatic consequence I could only read The Economist, Republica, BBC…

Now my coherency brings me to fear Hilary Clinton and Renzi. Some might say I like to support minority, to be against the mainstream. I just like to be objective and what I see now is a massive campaign of the Western media and press against Putin. BBC, once my model of information, is now the least reliable source when it comes to Putin or Russia.

Pages and pages aimed at creating fear and dislike of Russia, so common in the cold war era.

I don´t want to analyze the reason behind it but I just strongly dislike it and dislike the results. I do not like the autoritarism that Putin has established in Russia but considering Russia equal partner on an international level is a  duty of the Western governments. It is a political pragmatism – which must win on personal dislike.

Hilary Clinton is a member of a certain arrogant group of intellectuals that believes that talking in term of pragmatism and reality is an insult to idealism and utopian cravings.

That’s why I am scared. The democratic value do not apply with China, Saudi Arabia, Qatar,…but why they are fundamental when talking  with Russia? US must learn to have a dialogue also with those that have different opinion or they dislike. If they don´t, they are no better of those who they blame.

Dialogue and not escalation is the answer and when I read the New York Times I don´t have sound sleep.

I believe in the coherency of the peace and not in the coherency of being right.



Darkness has dressed me.
Emptiness has eaten my desire.
I see migrants invading my thoughts. People preaching utopian chic politically correct ideas from ikea sofas.

Life eaten by time.
Nonsense walking in the streets.
Fragile minds easily conquered.

A world on the verge.. in need of love and humbleness.
Missing sleep.

Dead Nature


I have not written for a long time perhaps because I did not find anything that seems worth talking of. Or simply because I´ve got lazy. Or simply because I have stopped liking people and people were my favorite subject. I should probably start writing about the emotions and feelings of trees and plants…animals might be too close to the human species.

I don´t hate people, I just no longer like them.

People are always into their small fights and forget the big picture: our world.
People turn on the other side when there is a danger.
People complain in the back and prefer a miserable situation than any action to change it.
People do not want to fight but just enjoy the positive outcome of the fight.
People have forgotten how to love souls and not bodies.
People do not take responsibility for their actions or omissions.
People do not stand for their beliefs unless it is advantageous to do so.
People are no longer audacious in reaching beauty and kindness.
People have stopped being imaginative.
People love to exceed in moral ugliness and overexposed nudity – no longer intriguing and sensual.
People have lost empathy for the living world.

Can people still make feel good other people?
Can people be still an interesting subject for poets, painters, photographers, directors or the poetry of images and words is left to nature?

What bothers me most is we are all the people…me too.

Where is Spider Man?

spiderman I completely agree with the Pope: what the world needs most  is goodness. It’s raining good people, Hallelujah, it’s raining good people, Amen, to rephrase a famous song. Unfortunately, what’s falling from the sky are mainly angels’ tears and we still have to cope with crime and injustice. Each time I visit my family in Italy I am surprised by the worsening of the living standards, safety included. Reading the statistics I learn that in the years between 2012-2014, robbery and theft have increased 114%. It is not hard to understand the causes behind: economic recession, uncontrolled immigration and unpunished crime. In Italy, sadly, the nonexistence of certainty and severity of the sanctions does not help to deter offending behaviors. This lack, together with an innate predisposition, is one of the main reasons triggering the general apathy and indifference of today’s Italy. My family live in a small village, once quite boring and safe, nowadays there is no house or flat who have not been violated by thieves. And the general reaction is: passive acceptance of the situation. This attitude is not new to Italy: Italians are not a collective socialist society but rather an individualist one. Italians only think of themselves and their close family, the rest of the society is not their business: public transportation, public spaces or public toilets are someone else’s business. Italians only care for what they own, not what they use. This mindset can only lead to a inefficient and unsafe society. I have tried to raise this point, to instill the desire to make things better, to do something, to change a situation that is clearly not working, but what I get back is only a shoulder shrug. Yes, they all agree, too many robberies, too many thieves, the village is no longer safe but that’s how it is… this condition is accepted as something written in stone and unchangeable. It s very sad to acknowledge this widespread impassiveness: nothing will ever change if people don’t change it. I know it is not easy to change a system, especially a static one as Italy but history has shown that only men can change a system: Mandela, Luther King, Ghandi… Italy can only be saved by Italians or …by Spider Man.


I have stopped writing, I have nothing to say. And what worries me more, I can not feel anything.

I have stopped writing as I had written about everything I could feel: I am only a broken record to me.

I have stopped writing because my best stories are my dreams and I never remember my dreams when I wake up. My dreams are full of action, of colorful people, of pain and joy. In my dreams I have the face of my friends. I tell my family what I don´t say when I am awake. I make love with beautiful strangers looking like the young good looking actor that entertained me that night. Sometimes I don´t want to wake up as I can play my dreams again and again and again. I love cuddling my pillow and feeling that the dreams are not surreal but have the shape of my pillow. I can touch my pillow.

Recently I watched About Time, a movie where the main character can turn back the time and change what went wrong. But the movie is politically correct, is positive thinking stream, and the hero in the end does not need any repetition – he just decides to live every day at its fullest…Carpe diem…here we are again…The Latins (or maybe the Greeks?) stated it for the first time, and 2000 years later we are still repeating it with no much success..perhaps we should ask why. I wanted my money back…

I agree with Kierkegaard and I want to turn back the time and live again all the days and weeks when I was suspended. All the days I was not ready to let them go, or I had no clue they were just passing without returning.

I want to turn back the time to my teens and I want to kiss all the guys I thought were cute. I want to run away from home and fly to London, get changed in a taxi and become Simon Le Bon´s groupie.

I want to be all my girlfriends that during their teens slept in the open sky smoking marijuana.

I did it all ..but late and I lost my teens in a library reading for all those years I would not.

I want my teens back without glasses, and with red lipstick. My Dior today is not enough.

I want to sleep again in the tub of a dirty flat in London. Smoke in the bedroom and feel that my clothes don´t smell. Walk the streets of London and feel I am the coolest. I want to take the tube and guess who shagged that morning. I want to turn back the time and kiss that guy that I did not kiss, when we stopped running.

I want to turn back the time and undo what I did. I think. I want to turn back the time and walk in the middle of the street and not on the side.

I guess I just don´t want to let time pass. Especially when I feel that so many emotions are still alive and screaming in me. I just kill them in the morning when I wake up.

The fucking problem is that emotions last only seconds and life is made of minutes, hours, days, years and new emotions with age became a rare gift.

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I.

 All the I´s that wish to say something but don´t know what.

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